Blog Vs Journal.. And Other Stuff

A blog to me is like a journal in a way, of course you wouldn’t put everything into a blog that you would a journal. I have both, thoughts that I don’t want anyone else to see and little bits of this and that go into my blog.

For me, my blog is an outlet that I can just say whatever I want and no one can judge me, also, every once in a while its always nice to let people read what you’ve wrote, whether they are in the same boat, or they just like to read your stuff you let out into the Internet.

I find that writing into “cyber space” is a good release then always venting in my journal. I’ve had my journal for over a year now, I started to it help with my depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. It hasn’t done wonders but it has helped in a way. I can write down what bothers me, it’s off my chest and I don’t have to worry about people reading it.

Of course, some things I’ve written about in my blog has been personal on a level, I wouldn’t give out any names on here for the fear of someone knowing and plus its always nice to keep people out of the ‘spotlight.’

Those who know me, know I hate being the centre of attention and I certainly don’t like confrontation. I try to stay in the middle. I’m not one for starting any kind of drama and the people I care about, I’d stand up for.

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As for an update on my personal struggle, well I had a panic attack in the grocery store. I’m proud of myself though because I stayed in the store, I just went to an aisle that wasn’t occupied. Thank you female products!!!

My Dad and I are getting along at the moment, which if history repeats itself won’t last too much longer before something pisses him off. The other day I had. Falling out with my step mom, but it wasn’t confrontational. I had made it halfway down the stairs to my room before she started freaking out at my dad about me. She never says anything to my face, always says it to my dad, which in turn makes him mad because why are you taking it on him. Then he’ll play messenger. And it all results into me getting beyond mad and not doing anything. Mainly because I know if I were to actually say something to her and try to stand up for myself, she’d kick me out quicker then I could blink, and secondly, I HATE confrontation. I know she’s waiting for an opportunity to present itself so she can make that final last blow and tell me to leave.

Yeah, why don’t I go live with my mom? I would, if it wasn’t or having no room and my bed going back to the family couch. I did that for a long time before I moved in with my dad. But back then it wasn’t so bad. Yeah there would be some tension but its nothing to compared to how it is now.

For reasons I’d much rather keep to myself, mainly embarrassed, I can’t exactly live on my own yet. Soon enough I’m hoping. Well, I’m sorry for anyone reading this, didn’t mean to have word vomit, but it happens I suppose. Anyway, thanks for reading 🙂

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