Tag Archives: Family

The Wedding

Questions And Second Guessing Your Decisions On Every Detail

Weeks leading up the wedding your always wondering questions, did I count the final number rights, does the timeline fit with everything else. What about that seating chart? Does everything look right? Can everyone get into the reception long before guests arrive? … These are a just a few questions racking my head as the weeks, than days leading up until my wedding. Over all everything was taken care of and I finally stopped stressing out so much.

The Night Before

The night before the wedding we had to decorate the hall for the reception. We didn’t go over the top but it was beautiful, everyone was there to help, my mom dad and step mom, my maid of honor and bridesmaid. Arthur’s main family and a few close friends. There was also the caterer to set up tables.

They say bad weather before your wedding is a good omen, I know that to be true now as of the night before while we were decorating we had a gorgeous thunder and lightning show.

Now The Wedding Day

Let me begin with, everything went without a hitch minus me almost tripping behind the altar to sign the register but apparently no one knew. Things over all could have gone worse.

The day started bright and early to meet with my maid of honor and bridesbride and soon to be future mother in law and mom to go and get pretty. 9am, my photographer was already there, soon after my flower girl came with her mom and Aunt. It was in full swing, pictures being taken, hair and make up, and even 7 year olds putting my wedding shoes on for the fun of it.

We decided to get ready at my mother in laws house because it is bigger and they don’t have animals so it was best not to walk down the aisle with my dogs black fur all over me. We ate, chatted, people started to come to get ready. I know my dress was taken for a grand tour getting pictures done outside. It was fun.

Everyone was beginning to get ready, my dad and step mom showed up because A. It’s customary for your father to drive you to the church and B. I wanted a picture of me (very confusingly at first) trying to put out his boutineer lol. I’m sure we got some great photos but I’ve never done one before so it was pretty foreign to me.

When I finally got ready after having someone help me into my dress, yeah you always need help but it’s a lot harder than it seems. I put my jewelry on, and I was amazed. I looked exactly how I wanted to. I felt beautiful. The photographer at this point had made my dad go out on the deck so he could be surprised (that’s when the boutineer happened) but us girls had our photos taken in different spots.

Dad, my maid of honor, bridesmaid and I in dad’s truck, we were off to the church. I’m known for never being on time, so I was pretty proud that I had minutes to spare before the wedding. Everyone knew how to enter as we had just a rehearsal 2 days before the wedding. Everything went great. My dad and mom walked me down the aisle, it was more than I could have asked for.

The ceremony was beautiful and I had a niece and close family friend read as well. It was a Catholic wedding without mass, so pretty straight forward. If you’re not sure, it’s basically readings and psalms. If we had a mass it would have been much much longer.

After the ceremony, we had pictures taken, and then the reception! We had a grand entrance, hey, it’s our wedding day so might as well do everything fun and great! The reception was great, food, some games, dancing and all around a good time with friends and family. A teacher of mine even stopped over during the reception to see me, it meant a lot to me that she did that. We got a few pictures taken together as well.

All in all, the day was great, it was a perfect day weather and wedding wise. The only thing I found is that it went by way too quickly for me. Although we will have pictures of that day to look at and the memories.

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Sumed Up – 2015 So Far

Picture from google

Sorry to anyone who has been following my blog as I have not published anything in quite some time it seems. I always mean to but I never get the chance, every time I think about it, it’s always late or I can never figure out what to write about. So I’ll start off with how 2015 has been going…

Well, this isn’t from 2015 but in December 2014 I took my first trip! I went to Florida, we stayed in Daytona, Kissimmee and Daytona. We were there for about 12 days or so. I loved it. I was so scared to fly, my doctor gave me Xanax for emergencies for my panic attacks, and I had them the whole month leading up to leaving for Florida. We caught our flight from Bangor, which was a direct flight to Orlando. It is about a 3 or 4 hour drive from Saint John to get to Bangor. Once we got to the boarder we were pulled in to be questioned. Funny for my first time ever into the States. There was nothing to be suspicious about but I guess I had to get the full experience! Haha. After leaving there, the trip began to Bangor. Once we hit the airport I was calm, I wasn’t panicked or worried. After checking in, and going through security we waited to board the flight. I was a little bit worried about the place since I have never been on a place and from watching to much Mayday I was certain I was doomed if I was to ever fly. Bonus! I was so excited being on the flight, from taking off to landing. The guy next to Arthur asked him if this was my first time flying since I was so was so amazed by everything. Least to say, I’m not afraid to fly anymore and already looking forward to another trip. There was so much to see there and when getting off the flight to Orlando and going outside the heat was so different from what I’m use to, plus when we left it was bitterly cold and lots of snow on the ground. I wish I took more pictures but I guess from just being there I was amazed and in awe. I promise next time I go on a trip, I’ll be sure to take lots of pictures so I can post them on here for everyone to see 🙂

January wasn’t much of anything, started back at work, but in February our family lost someone very dear to us. Donna. She was taken from us too soon and without warning. She had an aneurism in her heart. We all thought she had the flu, but never could have imagined this… I remember going to her place in Nova Scotia as a child every summer before moving to Saint John to be closer with family. Even being in the same city I do wish I could have seen her more often than I did, but I’m sure anyone wishes this. Especially when our loved ones are taken too soon from us without warning.

Donna and John sharing a dance at their 50th wedding anniversary in 2013.
Donna and John sharing a dance at their 50th wedding anniversary in 2013.

At the funeral there was a lovely picture of her and a beautifully written blurb. Here is what it says word for word since I do not have the scanner turned on and I’m writing this on Surface. Plus my printer/scanner isn’t hooked up to this.

Donna was a stubborn, opinionated, and a had an endless supply of attitude. Still, there isn’t a single aspect of her we would ever change. Her personality was a reflection of her passion for life. Donna was also energetic, strong, with a will that could mountains. She was a small lady, but she was feisty. She was not typical, she was not comparable. She was extremely unique and absolutely irreplaceable. As husband, family and friends we have been so very blessed to have had her with us. The life and love she gave has enriched our lives in ways no one else ever could. We will cherish our memories of her, and carry her in our hearts.

Forever hers, as she is forever ours.

Although she has our enternal love; this isn’t goodbye, it is simply ta ta for now.

This was written up by her nephew and was so beautifully written. Although this does say a lot about the kind of woman she was, there are more things to say about her that could not be written down into words.

As February came to an end and March began there was a few more things that took a bump in the road. My mother had surgery to be tested for colon cancer. We are still awaiting the results of what they find. So please, keep her in your thoughts as she and I are going mad with the waiting game.

I’ve recently been tested for PCOS. If you don’t know that is it is called polycystic ovarian disease/syndrome. I am still waiting on the results of the test so I guess I’ll just sit back and wait.

I’ve also recently learned that I have an uncle from the Netherlands. He is the son of my moms dad. This was during the war, and had a son. He has been trying to contact our family for years and finally success. It has been amazing to talk to him and learn about him and his family. I still talk to him nearly everyday using Facebook messenger. Since I have been talking to him for quite some time I have been invited to visit. So right now going to be saving up and maybe looking into going next year sometime with Arthur. So I am looking forward to that.

Well I suppose that is this year so far, in the ways of being major. Other than that it has been day to day life. I promise to start writing more, so please keep reading on my blog! Even though I don’t know who is reading (if anyone is) I appreciate you taking the time out of your day/night to read my blog.

Thank you all again! ❤

Drink Until Your Sober, It’s The Holidays


Image From Yahoo

It’s that time of year again!

So I’m not completely bashing the Holidays what so ever. This is just my own personal opinion…. In advance I apologize if I offend anyone.

I don’t drink, but during these times that statement could possibly somewhere fit into my life if I were to drink. I can’t remember when but somewhere along the way Christmas wasn’t Christmas anymore. It could be because my Mom had left my dad and the holidays with just him and I weren’t really that bad to be honest. But it’s when the step mother came into play. Don’t get me wrong, her alone did not ruin Christmas, but she has a way of well sort of taking the cheer that comes with the Holidays. Now I’m not some Grinch by any means, I love to buy presents for people, and I enjoy the wrapping, and watching them open it. I like that part. It’s just about everything else that comes with it that I’m not fond of. Then again, LG has made the past few Holidays much easier to bear.

I don’t even mind the Christmas music, and this year my CD of choice is Duck Dynasty’s ‘Duck The Halls’.. If you haven’t heard it, I recommend going out and buying it. That’s if you like the show…

I love waking up with my Dog, and giving him presents, and I love watching my Mom open her gifts Christmas Eve when I go to visit her before Christmas Day (she goes to brothers house for Christmas). I love watching my Dad open his, because he is the type that doesn’t want anything for Christmas, he claims the Holidays drives him bugger nuts, but I think he secretly enjoys cooking (well the cooking is true, he should have become a chef!) and opening gifts and watching the people who he bought for open theirs.

I like it because I get to see my Uncle (my Dad’s brother) who I don’t get to see very often and I was close to him growing up so any chance I get to see him is me wanting to tell him every single detail under the sun and just talk to him. I also get to see my other brother, his girlfriend, and my oldest niece. So all in all those parts are good.

What I don’t like about Christmas is having to spend the day with my step mother. I know it’s an awful thing to say, but really, everyone I know agrees she is an evil wicked person who thrives on drama and feels the need to argue over everything. Don’t get me wrong, I like her sister, and her kids. It’s not a hate on for her entire family. Just her really. She tends to make things go sour. Any day really is kind of playing Russian Roulette, but it makes it that much more hair pulling, screaming at the top of my lungs, unbearable.

Like most people she has her days, but her days which for most people are the bad days, she gets a handful of good days, most of which I can count on my hands, and not using the thumbs either!

It’s the way Christmas use to be that really bothers me, before it was my Mom, Dad, and I. My Uncle, my Brother, and his daughter would come over for the entire day and it would be a day that I did not want to end. Of course my Brother that my Mom now goes to never came for Christmas never came, but it was okay, because we would see them.

After supper, and when things settled down, we would usually go out and see other family members and just enjoy the company. But this was over 10 years ago, and to this day it still buggers me nuts. I can’t help it.

All in all, I guess I have more good to say about Christmas then I do negative…

On a last note I do wish everyone out there an extremely Happy Holiday, I hope you eat way too much turkey, ham, whatever it is that is traditional to you and I hope you all are spoiled. Be safe! Don’t drink and drive, and don’t drink until you’re sober, I’m sure many of you do not want a hospital visit through your Holidays

Frustration

Life is not an easy matter… You cannot live through it without falling into frustration and cynicism unless you have before you a great idea which raises you above personal misery, above weakness, above all kinds of perfidy and baseness.

– Leon Trotsky

Everyone feels frustration, I don’t care who you are. You could be the happiest person on the face of the planet and that sneaky little feeling will creep into your mind.

It’s how we deal with it, which is the question. I myself, have a horrible sense of dealing with this. Depending on the situation of course. Now I don’t go and threaten every living being but I do let my emotions get the best of me. I try not to let things bother me, but it usually wins. It’s like trying to win tug a war with a bull.

I’ve red tons of articles, listened to others, tried different methods. But usually if they do work, they don’t work for long, cause I’m back at being mad at everything.

I don’t get frustrated over everything. It’s usually silly little things that wind me up. With frustration comes stress, and high BP, all the unhealthy things. Now I’m not saying I’m never going to get stressed again because I’m human and its programmed into our genetics to feel things. I try to think about the situation before getting too worked up over it. Is it worth getting myself mad over this? Do I really need to stress? The world isn’t going to end because of this. So why let it bother me?

I’m not a doctor, but I do think the reason stems off nature vs nurture. If you were raised in a household that was calm most of the time, chances are when you are presented with said situation you’re going to handle it better. I was raised by both parents. Complete opposite. My dad has a temper that would certainly make you think twice before deciding to argue. He’s also got military background. And that’s no excuse. My mom on the other hand is one of the most kindest people I know. But if she has something to worry about or stress watch out. She’s a walking, talking, ball of emotion. A lot of people argue the nature vs nurture. I believe that the way you were raised is a HUGE part of you and how you handle certain things. I have a temper like my dad, I get mad over nothing. But I’m also a worrier, I stress, get frustrated and well, walking ball of emotion.

I don’t exactly have a full proof plan for how to deal with things. But I’ll get there. I won’t be super calm but I’ll be able to better manage this sneaky emotion.

Blog Vs Journal.. And Other Stuff

A blog to me is like a journal in a way, of course you wouldn’t put everything into a blog that you would a journal. I have both, thoughts that I don’t want anyone else to see and little bits of this and that go into my blog.

For me, my blog is an outlet that I can just say whatever I want and no one can judge me, also, every once in a while its always nice to let people read what you’ve wrote, whether they are in the same boat, or they just like to read your stuff you let out into the Internet.

I find that writing into “cyber space” is a good release then always venting in my journal. I’ve had my journal for over a year now, I started to it help with my depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. It hasn’t done wonders but it has helped in a way. I can write down what bothers me, it’s off my chest and I don’t have to worry about people reading it.

Of course, some things I’ve written about in my blog has been personal on a level, I wouldn’t give out any names on here for the fear of someone knowing and plus its always nice to keep people out of the ‘spotlight.’

Those who know me, know I hate being the centre of attention and I certainly don’t like confrontation. I try to stay in the middle. I’m not one for starting any kind of drama and the people I care about, I’d stand up for.

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As for an update on my personal struggle, well I had a panic attack in the grocery store. I’m proud of myself though because I stayed in the store, I just went to an aisle that wasn’t occupied. Thank you female products!!!

My Dad and I are getting along at the moment, which if history repeats itself won’t last too much longer before something pisses him off. The other day I had. Falling out with my step mom, but it wasn’t confrontational. I had made it halfway down the stairs to my room before she started freaking out at my dad about me. She never says anything to my face, always says it to my dad, which in turn makes him mad because why are you taking it on him. Then he’ll play messenger. And it all results into me getting beyond mad and not doing anything. Mainly because I know if I were to actually say something to her and try to stand up for myself, she’d kick me out quicker then I could blink, and secondly, I HATE confrontation. I know she’s waiting for an opportunity to present itself so she can make that final last blow and tell me to leave.

Yeah, why don’t I go live with my mom? I would, if it wasn’t or having no room and my bed going back to the family couch. I did that for a long time before I moved in with my dad. But back then it wasn’t so bad. Yeah there would be some tension but its nothing to compared to how it is now.

For reasons I’d much rather keep to myself, mainly embarrassed, I can’t exactly live on my own yet. Soon enough I’m hoping. Well, I’m sorry for anyone reading this, didn’t mean to have word vomit, but it happens I suppose. Anyway, thanks for reading 🙂

You Call Yourself A Father?

Not in the best of moods, so this post is going to sound mean..

My Dad

I guess most girls are “Daddy’s little girl” and continue to be their entire life. Well I use to be when I was younger, but that all changed around the time I hit middle school. He stopped doing things with me, I suppose that was the beginning of our downward spiral of a relationship. Of course being a teenager you tend to stray away from your parents and try to be more independent.

We grew apart more and more as middle school went on. High school was the biggest blow to our relationship. I wasn’t the best teenager daughter, I skipped school, got into the wrong group of friends, but he never said anything other then what a parent should.

After I switched high schools, I met a guy, and he was sweet at first, but later on showed his true colours. It was not too long after my parents separated that I had him and a few of his friends over, I trusted him, what was the harm. Turned out, I should have seen the signs along. His friends stole from our house, I had no idea.. How did I let them steal and me not see it happen?? Well my Dad obviously knew because it was him from they stole from. He woke me up in the middle of night, shaking with rage. Yelling, asking who I let in the house, I told him because I wasn’t going to lie to him. Skip more yelling, and he told me these exact words “as far as I’m concerned I no longer have a daughter” He’s never apologized for being so mad, and never apologized that I truly made a mistake. I think this is what caused him to hate me so much.

Ever since then, he’s been the type of person to call me out on everything, he calls me stupid, a moron, that I will never amount to anything. That I will end up in a box on the street because I can’t do anything. Yes, these words and more are basically an every day occurrence. I’ve tried everything to try and salvage our ruined relationship, he won’t even try.

Everything I do is a complete shit ball to him. He isn’t supportive at all, and if I do something that can let him bitch, then the skies open up and he just lets go. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m done with it, I know it’s probably mean, but I mean he’s not someone who, when I was younger looked up to, thought the world of. I don’t trust him. I think he’s mentally abusive, he’s told me more then once, if he could do it all over again that he would never have had children. So thanks Dad, or if you even deserve that name.