Tag Archives: life

My Story..

Not too long ago a friend of mine is doing a project to give to Jared Padalecki in April, she asked us for our story, simply, our life with our mental illness, how Jared himself has helped, and how our family (AKF- Always Keep Fighting) has helped us. I gave her my story after having a few people read it to see if it was good. I got a lot of good responses on it so I decided to post it on my blog for others to see. Hopefully it can help someone, maybe they will reach out or maybe no one will read it so it will be put into cyber-internet for no one to see.. Either way, here it goes.


I’ve been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia, and most recently PTSD.

In March,2010 I was currently working at a call center for Philips Products. I loved my job and looked forward to going each day. A few weeks before April I started having nightmares, they were when I was travelling to work by city transit, which is what I always did so it was nothing foreign to me. In my nightmare when the bus was travelling over the Reversing Falls Bridge the bus would go off the road towards the cliff and we would go over, I’d wake up then. I should have taken it as a warning but I didn’t think much of it.

About a week after the dreams started when I started taking the bus I would get really nervous and my hands would be sweaty. Once I did the transfer to the other bus that went towards my work it was a few short minutes than I would be fine, after work taking the bus was fine, I was having no issues.

Usually around that time of year work was really slow so we were allowed to call in before shift to see if they needed us, if not we were allowed the day off without pay. I was hoping to get this day off because my mother and I were supposed to go to the mall where I transferred buses so I could pick something out for a dress I was going to be wearing to a graduation of a friend. To my luck, it wasn’t busy and was able to have the day off.

My mother and I took the bus to the mall, the same bus I took to go to work before transferring, around the same time on the bus my hands got sweaty and I tried to focus on something else. It always worked in the past, but it didn’t feel right this time. The feeling which I now know as anxiety went away and we arrived at the mall. When we got the mall I started feeling the anxiety again and told my mom I needed to use the bathroom. I raced towards the bathroom and went into the stall. I sat down and tried to will the feeling to go away but it just got worse. I was getting sweatier, my vision didn’t feel right, like I couldn’t focus on anything, my stomach was doing flips, my heart felt like it was going to burst from my chest. My mother at this time came in to see what was taking so long, I felt embarrassed because there was other ladies in the stalls and I could only yell out that I would be another minute. When I finally thought, I could get this under control and everything in my body calmed down I came out and told my mom what had happened. We walked up the hall towards a store and it all rushed back into my body and I started freaking out, I told my mom that I was going to go outside for a smoke, she was preoccupied and I don’t think she really heard me. I ran outside tears streaming down my eyes, my body shaking, and all the other things I felt in the stall were happening. I remember the time, it was shortly after 12pm because my dad was on lunch at work. I called him and told him what was happening, he stayed on the phone with me listening to me and trying to keep me calm. He told me to call a cab and go back to my moms. After he let me go I remember seeing a construction worker watching me and thinking if something happens he will see. I called the cab and it arrived within minutes. I didn’t even think about my mom. I was running towards to the cab to jump in and mom yelling out my name running after me. She got into the cab and she was clearly upset with me, I told the cab driver where to go. In 10 minutes, we were home. I paid and ran into the apartment. My mom yelled and she didn’t understand what was going on, I tried to explain but she didn’t understand. I felt very sick to my stomach. Every day after that for a week I called in sick because I was scared to leave the house. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. After 2 weeks my father came by and told me we were going to see my doctor. I was clearly not doing well and he needed to know what was wrong. The 20 minute drive felt like forever and I was constantly drinking water because it felt like that was the only thing I could do to keep calm. My doctor diagnosed me with severe anxiety, panic attacks and depression. I was given medication and a follow up with a doctors note stating I was off of work for four months on medical leave.

Ultimately, I was also diagnosed with agoraphobia, I lost my job in November,2010 because I was hardly able to stay at work long enough without having another attack.

They were constantly changing my medication and I was seeing a mental health worker. I was put on medical leave until further notice.

I suffered with it in silence for years because neither my parents or friends understood what I was going through. One day while just browsing Facebook for Supernatural related things I came across a group called AKF Always Keep Fighting. I requested to join, and immediately found what I needed, a FAMILY. Hundreds of other people who were going through what I was. I found a place where I felt I belong. I was never turned away or felt unwanted. I knew Jared Padalecki suffered from a mental illness but I never knew he had shirts/sweaters/tanks through a website that helped. I missed the first one, and everyone after that I had gotten a hoodie from his campaigns. I even got one from Jim Beaver’s campaign that had said “Family don’t end in blood.” All these sweaters were very important to me and I learned more about TWLOHA. Jared became more than just actor, he became some one I could relate to because he never hid his mental illness. It was something everyone in our SPN family could relate to and become apart of. Those hoodies meant the world to me, knowing I was apart of a fandom, a family, a collective support group.

Over the years from 2010 I was able to do more things but still suffer, I went to see a therapist and through a lot of hard work I had repressed memories from when I was child. I had always suffered from mental illness, I remember having panic attacks as a child and anxiety. It was a breakthrough but also a set back because I my brain had supressed memories and now they were haunting me.

In November 2015, I moved from Saint John, NB to Fort McMurray, AB, in May 2016 there was a wildfire that reached the town. I moved back home and seen someone and learned I had PTSD. I had lost everything in the fire. All my hoodies from the campaigns, things I can’t replace from family that is now gone.

My SPN family rushed to my side and people donated money to me to help me get back on my feet. I was overwhelmed with support from people all over the world. Even though I was going through a devastating time there was my family, supporting me, pushing me through. 

I couldn’t be more thankful to Jared, to my SPN family, the people I became close to over the years. The people who no matter what I share everything with and help. To these people, they have changed my life for the better, even when I feel like I can’t go on. I think of these people who help me push forward. I hope to meet Jared one day and be able to thank him in person for what he was done for me even though he doesn’t know. My story is far from over and I’m still trying to cope with everything but I’ve learned to be more open about my illness, I speak about it with people who are just learning about it. I lost all my friends when mine became too much and no one wanted to deal with me. I’ve learned it’s ok to have set backs, it’s ok to need help. It’s to Always Keep Fighting.


The Past, The Present, The Future

I’m sure that any person can relate or know someone that this relates to, but for some reason it’s always a later thing or it just never happens.

Of course or past is filled with things we’ve done that most we wish we could change a little or have completely not have done it at all. We have things in our past that are great, defining moments, moments of pure joy and content. We can’t change the past of course, and even though some of us wish we could, you wouldn’t be who you are today.

The past is something we learn from, whether our past is spotty, filled with memories that are bad, or good, these moments make up who you are. It makes us.

Some let it dominate their life and their choices they continue to make, some learn and continue to be better people. Some hide from the past. I can understand all three of these, and why which person does this.

If we let our past rule our life we aren’t stepping ahead, stepping backwards but yet, staying on the same stone. Life would be wonderful if you took that step off this stone and moved to the next. Learning from your past is no different. We are moving from each stone. Correcting, or perfecting each and every move. Not saying that everyone must be perfect, but if you are trying then that’s perfect to me. There is no such thing as perfect, there never was nor will be. Hiding from our past is stepping from each stone but the stones from the past are blocked by a wall of fog. The past is nothing but the past in any case. It’s an amazing feeling once you confront it, make ammends, or even accept. It brightens, the fog is lifted. 

The Present to me is still learning. Everyday we are learning something new. Whether it be a new way of trying something, changing your looks, or even taking the past and learning from it. There are a million different ways that the present works. One way will not lead in the same direction as another. We think, rationalize, over think, but in the end the move you make, is now part of you. I don’t want this or make anyone think negative about it because it’s not. It’s a wonderful thing. We go about life thinking of stressful matters, or just going on with life, but how many times do we actually stop and take that moment to realize how lucky we are. To take note of the beautiful sky, to appreciate the things we have and to tell the people we love that we love them every chance we get? I know I don’t always but it would make things more beautiful about life. Knowing it’s not all about the dates due for bills, yelling at the car because it’s broken, or stressing over things that have not yet to come or never will. Of course it’s good to have good stress because if we never planned or even thought about what we were having for supper, life would be a mess. But taking time to stop and catch a breath is important I believe.

The future will always be something we don’t know, we have ideas and plans but for the most part it’s a mystery. It’s exciting, and scary all at the same time but it’s learning. Something we will never stop doing. It’s wonderful!

Yourself, And Other Things


There’s a lot to being yourself. It’s not the easiest question to answer by any means. I always find myself asking this multiple times, truth is, I’m never really sure. We are constantly changing, nothing is constant. Of course, people would say being yourself is constant. Is it really? You are always everyday finding something new about yourself. Whether it’s what you like, don’t like, etc. It’s a constant change. Our beliefs change over time (no, not every single person, but you get it) Our tastes change, we try to better ourselves.

Being yourself to me, is doing what you believe is best for you. Not for your family, friends, partner, but for you. Yes you, reading this post. Of course sometimes we stumble, fail, but that’s all part of finding out who you are. If you don’t have fails or stumbles along the way you aren’t doing it right. Now I don’t mean to sound like I’m all knowing, but what I mean is no one is perfect. We all fall. But getting back up and starting again says a lot.

If the future you from 10 years is to appear you wouldn’t think you would be like that person. Maybe in the way of lifestyle. But would you think that the future maybe finally decided to do that one thing that present you is completely scared of? You never know. Every step we take changes our lives in the littlest of ways but has the biggest outcome.

So yeah, maybe you, right now in this moment know who you are, but things change… That sounds horribly negative but I don’t mean it to. I’m talking about everything positive right now. If you don’t know who are you fully that’s okay! If your happy with you then who can tell you different?

I for one don’t always know who I fully am. But I know the majority, and that’s what counts.

I’m sorry if this post doesn’t make much sense. What I’m trying to say about being yourself is that we fall, change, better ourselves, and do what’s best for us. That’s what makes you, yourself.

Nothing is ever written in stone, we can always change the things we wish to change and continue to be the person we wish to be.

30 Day Blog Challenge -Day One Through Thirty

30 Day Blog Challenge

I’ve decided this would be a fun idea to do 🙂 … I guess there’s better way to start then now lol.

Day One, My Favourite Song
To be perfectly honest I don’t have a fave song, I do however love Country music. So that’s got to count for something lol.

Day Two, My Favourite Movie
That would definitely have to be ‘The Breakfast Club and Jumanji’ .. Not sure of I spelled that right lol

Day Three, Ideal Perfect Date
If it was the first date, to me going somewhere nice and talking for a couple of hours. If it was a couple dates in, I’d say dinner and then going somewhere and just hanging out. I’m not into the whole fancy kind of date, I like things one and one and get to know each other.

Day Four, Favourite Photograph Of My Best Friend

I’ve already said in a post that I wouldn’t use names or actual pictures. But this explains me and my best friend perfectly, we both play the “goofy one” and “are you serious one.” I’ve known her my entire life basically. picture I found is from google pictures by searching best friends

Day Five, What Makes You Different From Anyone Else
That’s actually the most difficult question that I find. I’m sure I could rattle off things that make me different, but wouldn’t other people have/be the same thing? So I’m going to say my personality, no one else has it, it’s all mine lol. *evil laugh* I’m pretty easy going for the most part, I would do anything for the people I care about, this includes all animals lol. I’ve even rescued a skunk from my garbage bin because the poor thing couldn’t get out. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I can’t watch Marley And Me or any other movie that the animal dies… Just the tip of my personality lol.

Day Six, A Song To Match Your Mood
“The Only Way I Know” by Jason Aldean ft Luke Bryan and Eric Church

Day Seven, A Photo of An Animal You’d Love To Keep As A Pet
A cougar. They are the most beautiful cat there is. Everything about them is beautiful. I would love to see one outside of a zoo (from a safe distance of course) and watch it in its natural habitat. Being the avid animal lover I am, I would actually try to get one (legally of course from a kitten) and raise it to be my pet. But they are naturally wild so I don’t think that would work, but I can dream right?

Day Eight, Your Perfect Wedding
A Fall wedding, Fall is my favourite season where it’s not to hot or cold. I love the colours and I think I could have the most beautiful wedding. I would marry outside because of the scenery. Earth tones, oranges, and maybe a tad bit of black would be incorporated into my wedding. My wedding gown, not white. But an off white, with semi thick straps that makes me look a bit more skinny and I’d love to have a sweetheart neckline with a low back to incorporate my tattoos. That’s as far as I have on my dream wedding but I would like a semi large wedding. Not big that I’m floating in debt after and not too small. The main thing would be the groom. The most important person that would be there. Without him my dream wedding wouldn’t be complete.

Day Nine, A Photo Of The Last Thing You Bought

Just so happens I went shopping today lol. These are the items I bought. First the three books were purchased from Indigo, they are ‘The Great Gatsby’, ‘Ripply’s Believe Or Not, Download The Weird’, and ‘Inferno’. Next is my curling iron, eyeshadow, and the eyeshadow base with the cream coloured nail polish, and sheers (I’m gonna have to watch a video on how to do this lol) were all purchased from Shoppers. Lastly, the dark coloured nail polish, pink, and top coat, another top which gives a gel appearance, my cuticle cream, and my cuticle cuter were all purchased from Sally’s Beauty Store.

Day Ten, Photo Of Your Place To Eat

Okay, so I have 2 places that are my favourite place to eat lol. I couldn’t chose, so I picked both. Subway, which I’m sure everyone has heard of. My favourite thing there is the turkey breast sub on white 🙂 Yum. And the other Wok Box, it’s an Asian kitchen, they opened here a couple years ago and it has got to be the best amazing Asian food I’ve ever eaten. I love their rice boxes. My favourite is Korean beef bulgogi. It’s really good, it has sweet soya sauce, and wok fried thinly sliced beef and veggies.. If you have a restaurant near and you haven’t eaten there, I suggest you try it. **a little expensive but well worth it**

Day Eleven, A Picture Of Your Favourite Memory
This is my childhood home 🙂 This picture was taken before my dad added on to it, and also before I came along. It’s the one picture that has all my favourite memories, mainly because they were either in my home, or around them.

Day Twelve, Relationship Status
I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years now. He is the love of my life.

Day Thirteen, Favourite Band or Artist Photo
Well it changes daily cause I love all country music so….

Day Fourteen, A TV Show I’m Addicted To
Criminal Minds 🙂 I love this show without a doubt. I like shows like this, but I love the way the characters in this show are so compatible with each other. Like Garcia and Derek. Like it doesn’t feel the characters are made up, almost like they were like this before. Thank goodness the actual cases aren’t real, cause I’m sure I’d be running for the hills. But this is my number one favourite show. If you haven’t watched it, I suggest watching it if your into this kind of show.

Day Fifteen, Something You Can’t Leave Home Without
My purse lol. It has everything I need it, and probably a bit more. It has my wallet, medication (in case I get stuck somewhere) my phone, and a bunch of other little things lol. I don’t think I’ve ever left home without it. Other then to take my dog out back lol.

Day Sixteen, Short Term Goals For This Month And Why
I don’t have any major goals, I’m excited for certain things. LG comes home on the third of June! He’s been gone since April for work. So I’m looking forward to seeing him 🙂 I have a bunch of appointments I have to attend to, so I guess you could call those a goal lol. Most of all, my goals for this month is to spend some much needed time with LG, go up to the cottage and relax. I need some relaxing time. Also maybe do a little fishing 🙂

Day Seventeen, What You Hope Your Future Will Be Like
The number one thing is that I want to be happy and healthy, I want to live comfortably, I don’t need to be rich but I don’t want to be poor either. I would like to be married, have children, stay at home with them and make sure they have the best life has to offer. I’d also like to have an education in case I do need to work if staying at home doesn’t pan out. Plus once your kids get old enough, I’d like to work. I’d love to live in the country 🙂 Also, my future will definitely have an SUV lol. I love them. Plus, animals lol.

Day Eighteen, 5 Things That Irritate Me About The Opposite/Same Sex
1. Unneeded drama (female and male)
2. Calling other males “brah” aka bro (make)
3. Ghost hands flying in front of you to grab something. (Female and male) simple excuse me would suffice
4. “Can I ask you a question” is not a valid way to ask a question (female and male)
5. Orange tans (females) not the ones who did it by accident but the girls who did it and think they look good.

Day Nineteen, A Picture Of Something You Want To Do Before You Die

Bungee jumping! Even though I’m scared beyond words of heights and not having control I think this would be awesome to do! 🙂

Day Twenty, Meaning Behind Your Blog Name
The meaning of it actually is something I started saying, just when it comes to people annoying the crap out of me. Or if someone does something that bugs me. There is no deep meaning behind it lol 🙂

Day Twenty One, A Photo Of Something That Makes You Happy

This would represent LG, my family, friends, and of course of dog 🙂 Most of all LG and my dog are the two things that can brighten my day even when I don’t think smiling is remotely possible.

Day Twenty Two, A Letter To Someone Who Has Hurt You Recently
Dear ******
You always have the best intentions, and I’m sure you do. You need to know what you did was not right, you can’t treat people that way and expect things to be okay. This has been ongoing, for so long I thought I was the issue. But I’m not. It took me a while to see it, but when I did it made me feel better. Yes I caused some of it. But you took everything a step further. I hate to say it that I forgive you. But the things you did, I will never forget. I hope in time things will get better and we can see eye to eye again and start to get back to what we had so long ago. I’ll always love you and I’ll always think the world of you.
Love always,

Day Twenty Three, 15 Facts About You
1. I have 7 tattoos and I don’t plan on stoping just yet 🙂
2. I forgive easily
3. I’m over emotional at times, over silly little things
4. Grasshoppers, ants, and anything that stings are the only bugs that creep me out
5. I love horror films
6. My celebrity crush for actors is Jack Black
7. I care maybe a little too much
8. I always want to change something about myself
9. I have freckles that only show in the summer
10. I love the game clue
11. I have kept every card since I was sixteen
12. I stress more then one should for my age
13. Drawing is a form of relaxation to me and a way to get out my emotions at time
14. I’m accident prone lol
15. I love dressing up for no reason

Day Twenty Four, A Photo That Means A lot To You

This tattoo has a lot of meaning behind it. It has everything to do with my life. The way I want to be, the way I try to be. I believe that strength is something everyone has and it’s not just something to do with how strong you are physically but emotionally. That you are able to take past mistakes and past experiences and use them in a positive way.

Day Twenty Five, Who Are You
I’m still trying to figure this one out for myself. For the most part I’m one of the most easiest going people and would do anything for anyone. I will make my point when I feel I should. I try not to let things bother me but they do. I’m not the type of person who can keep quiet for long. I can be loud, I’m outgoing once I get to know someone. I’m not a girly girl but I’m not a tomboy. I’m me. I’m the one who will drop everything if you truly need something. I’m an avid animal lover and hate to see the horrible things that happen to them. I love to give advice and help people. I’m the youngest of my siblings. There is a 20 year gap between me and my oldest brother. There is quite a bit about me that people may not get to see because I’ve built walls, but once the trust is established I’m an open book. I’m emotional, trusting, and I try to live by “everything happens for a reason”

Day Twenty Six, A Picture Of Somewhere You Want To Go

Vatican City 🙂

Day Twenty Seven, What Kind Of Person Attracts You
I don’t really have a certain type per say. The one thing that will attract me is eyes and smiles. Personality, communication, and trust is a must. If they have that then I’m attracted lol. Well that’s if I feel a connection with said person.

Day Twenty Eight, In This Past Month What Have You Learned
I’ve learned so far that I don’t give myself enough credit for the things I don’t think I can do. I’ve recently went through something that I never thought I could do, just always liked the idea of it. I’ve learned who truly matters to me (friends, family etc.) I’ve also learned from an old friend that these panic attacks that I thought I just started to have 3 years ago has been something that I had as a kid. I don’t remember much but from the stories I can piece together the memory. To me it’s weird that my brain would block these memories out but it’s also given me something new to follow and see where the problem lies.

Day Twenty Nine, Something That You Can Never Get Tired Of Doing
Drawing, whether its with a pencil, painting, oils, or my computer software I don’t think I could ever get tired of it. It’s something that I’ve always done. I do take breaks when I get “drawing block” but I would never get tired of it. It’s a way of expressing myself.

Day Thirty, A Photo Of Yourself And 3 Good Things That Have Happened To You This Month
**A photo isn’t something I will post like I’ve already posted before**
Three good things are:
• LG came home from being away for 2 months for work
• I accomplished what I’ve been working towards, amazed I did it
• Who truly matters when it comes down to it

At The End Of The Da….Afternoon


Well, this post obviously is about money. There never seems to be enough does there? Well unless your Bill Gates or something. Because I can’t work I’ve been approved by the federal government for funding. In other words. Medical money. Now that’s not a bad thing, but how does one live off 400$ a month? I’ve gone and applied and for long term where it’s been 3 years since I’ve stopped, surely thinking okay, they actually get it. Naw. They disapproved me faster then the sneaky kid that steals your pies off your sill. That’s pretty fast.

I am grateful that I do get money, but I find its gone by the afternoon cause I’m paying bills (not like there’s much in the way of that) I smoke, so yes a portion goes to that nasty little goose, and medication. Oh and the bank fees. Bank fees. They love to eat my money. They are the money eater. Now I have to say I have a good bank and a good plan. But up my arse its expensive.

At the end of the afternoon I’m down to mere little dollars. Doesn’t leave much for fun, or say when I run out of shampoo and such. Some things go unpaid. Well because hygiene is much more important then a silly cell phone bill.

But what gets my goat is that 400$ is nearly not enough. I don’t understand why they aren’t upping the funding. From what I was told the government got a 7% increase for medical and non medical funding. In my mind, can’t ya’ll agree that it is a little to silly. I mean technically I get 537$ but take out what’s called household income. Really? Now this is were I have a tad bit of problem with these folks.

my attempt to be mad

Now I’m not sitting on my arse not working because I don’t feel like it, it’s because of my doctor I’m not allowed. Least until I can get panic attacks under control enough. Which brings me to this, why is it that people sitting on their arse not working cause they don’t want to get more money then me? Call me a baby, but I do think its unfair.

I don’t drink, or go to the bars, or do any sort of drug. So my extra money doesn’t go there. I suppose if I quit smoking that would bring me more money. With that being said, and the things going on, I’m sure I’d be in jail for murder.

It just confuses me. The government itself confuses the heck out of me.

I suppose this should be the end of this rant before I become a rambling fool lol.

The Seven Rules Of Life


This picture was found using yahoo searching sunrise

7 Rules Of Life
•1• Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present
•2• What others think of you is none of your business
•3• Time heals almost everything, give it time.
•4• Don’t compare your life to others and don’t judge them. You have no idea what their journey is all about
•5• Stop thinking too much, it’s alright not to know the answers. They will come to you when you least expect it
•6• No one is in charge of your happiness, except you
•7• Smile. You don’t own all the problems in the world

For me, these are simple yet very powerful rules. I try to make the best of every situation, though sometimes I can be seen being the downer. But hey, it’s normal.

Number one for me took me a long time to get to. I used the past in every way possible when it came to every day things, relationships, friendships, etc. I’ve gotten over most of my past and I’ve seen an improvement in just little things and some big things 🙂

Number two, well I have a really hard time with this. I’m always worried what people think of me. I don’t like not being liked. And I don’t like being judged. It’s going to take a while before I don’t let it bother me

Number three, it rings true in so many ways. At the time I didn’t think time won’t heal crap. It’s always going to be in my brain. Well it is in my brain, I retain memories like everyone else. But over time I stopped thinking so much about things that had me so upset, now when I think about them I giggle to myself (its true, I really do) that something at the time seemed so important, now is something I deal with on a daily basis, or come across every once in a while. Find what works for you 🙂

Number four, I never really compared my life to others in a ‘bitch’ way. I always thought what it would be like to be them. What their life was like. As for judging I use to be the first to judge. But having my life turned around made me realize I should really shut my brain off. I still sometimes do it. It’s something we all do but as long as you try not to, it’s really all you can ask. We are human after all and making mistakes is something we all do.

Number five, I am the biggest worrier there is. I worry about laundry. I stress way too much. I wish I didn’t. If anyone has any comments on how to make my brain less worrier and more go with the flow.. The phrase “go with the flow” makes me cringe. Ohhh.

Number six, this seems so simple. Yet it took me forever to realize that, ‘no I’m running the ship, your opinion is welcome, but don’t expect me to live by it’. I still have trouble with it. But I’m getting there 🙂

Number seven, this is true. Yet my answer goes with number 5. I don’t worry about what the next country is going to decide on what law they want. But I do have trouble. Especially with people I care about, if they have a problem. You know I’m worrying.

I hope this made you smile, most people have seen it where it made the rounds on the Internet but I think it’s important.

I’d love to get comments on how your doing with the seven rules of life 🙂

Can I Skip A Day?

May 21

That day is going to be hell, a few weeks back my Dr had referred me to get a echocardiogram done. Ok, wait. I’m not dying and I’m certainly not that unhealthy. Though it would do me good to be a little more active…

Reason being, my brother in March had heart surgery where they replaced the valve in his heart, it wasn’t letting enough blood out. He was actually born with it, but being born in the 60’s they didn’t really check for these kinds of things. His whole life he was playing sports and was really active, it wasn’t until a couple years ago he was having trouble breathing and passed out on occasion. Skip to now…

So because of his heart default is genetic, his daughter, my brother and his daughter, and of course myself all have to be tested.

It’s not the actual ultrasound itself, it’s what if they find something. I’m already a hypochondriac. Do they really need to give me something else to worry about? I stress to much as is.

I’m just hoping, they do it, comes back normal, and I’ll never have to worry about it again.